Second Chances
Posted by Ana Castillo on Saturday, November 30, 2013 Under: Dating
The topic in itself gives me the chills, I hate second chances because I was all about second chance during my teenage years. Until I reached the point in which I realized I was simply being foolish.
It is human behavior, to fall in love and linger in your own thoughts about the person your developing feelings for. But once they break your heart, the hardest thing to do is move on. At the point where I am, with the experiences I've had, my struggle is giving in.
There's many ways to fall in love (If you don't know read my post "Blind romance" ), this is applicable to both men and women.
Do you ever find yourself going back and forth to the same person, and every time you do, the happiness your expecting is short lived? Think of it this way, Your 9 years old and one day you go to the Candy store, and you get a buy one get two free deal. Seems legit? Of course!
You were initially planning to spend $1 but end up spending $10 and exit the store with 30 different candies (Do the math). Of course, this seems like a happy ending but here's the twist. Your mother gave you $10 so you could buy a few refreshments for your family lunch later on that day. When you walk in through the door with all that candy, your mother is furious, because it is not what she wanted you to buy. So now you let her down, your family's lunch is ruined and of course you wasted $10.
And to make matters worst, you end up with a cavity and in need of braces! Ok, Maybe I'm exaggerating but my point is this is the way indulgence works.
When your a child you don't know better, and this is what happens when you fall in love, you become this child. You don't think of consequences, of who your hurting, of the price of your choices and how you will feel afterwards.
And while my example doesn't seem to cause permanent damage, love tends to do that in real life.
Things always work out better in your head than they do in your life; I've always said that there is no way to win someone's love unless you are the first person they've fallen in love with.
There's three ways to fall in love with a person, Physically, Mentally and Visually but for some reason we compress all three into one. Its easy to rid yourself of the Visual and Physical factor but its the mental one that traps you.
When your mentally attached to someone it seems that they need to hurt you multiple times until you finally realize the harm that they are causing you. And even if someone warns you not to do it, you still go for it, because in your mind it is the right thing and it will change one day. Well guess what? It won't!
Rose didn't jump back in the water when she let go of Jack after the Titanic sunk, he was dead already. She moved on with her life, had kids and lived a happy life. She treasured the relationship she had with Jack mentally and took care of the memories and experiences to figure out what she really wanted in a man.
That's what love is supposed to be for you, experience, so you can figure out what you want and what you don't want in your life. Any person that hurts you even once is capable of doing it again, and by giving them another chance your just enabling them to do it and saying "It's okay, you can do better".
And god know's if anyone says that to me I would totally feel like an imbecile. --> By forgiving someone you are making them aware that they don't measure up to your needs but they have an opportunity to mold themselves into the person you want them to be.
I find that pretty selfish:: --> Why change someone to be who you want them to be when there's already someone out there with everything you want? What about what that person wants and needs in their life, doesn't that matter?
It is human behavior, to fall in love and linger in your own thoughts about the person your developing feelings for. But once they break your heart, the hardest thing to do is move on. At the point where I am, with the experiences I've had, my struggle is giving in.
There's many ways to fall in love (If you don't know read my post "Blind romance" ), this is applicable to both men and women.
Do you ever find yourself going back and forth to the same person, and every time you do, the happiness your expecting is short lived? Think of it this way, Your 9 years old and one day you go to the Candy store, and you get a buy one get two free deal. Seems legit? Of course!
You were initially planning to spend $1 but end up spending $10 and exit the store with 30 different candies (Do the math). Of course, this seems like a happy ending but here's the twist. Your mother gave you $10 so you could buy a few refreshments for your family lunch later on that day. When you walk in through the door with all that candy, your mother is furious, because it is not what she wanted you to buy. So now you let her down, your family's lunch is ruined and of course you wasted $10.
And to make matters worst, you end up with a cavity and in need of braces! Ok, Maybe I'm exaggerating but my point is this is the way indulgence works.
When your a child you don't know better, and this is what happens when you fall in love, you become this child. You don't think of consequences, of who your hurting, of the price of your choices and how you will feel afterwards.
And while my example doesn't seem to cause permanent damage, love tends to do that in real life.
Things always work out better in your head than they do in your life; I've always said that there is no way to win someone's love unless you are the first person they've fallen in love with.
There's three ways to fall in love with a person, Physically, Mentally and Visually but for some reason we compress all three into one. Its easy to rid yourself of the Visual and Physical factor but its the mental one that traps you.
When your mentally attached to someone it seems that they need to hurt you multiple times until you finally realize the harm that they are causing you. And even if someone warns you not to do it, you still go for it, because in your mind it is the right thing and it will change one day. Well guess what? It won't!
Rose didn't jump back in the water when she let go of Jack after the Titanic sunk, he was dead already. She moved on with her life, had kids and lived a happy life. She treasured the relationship she had with Jack mentally and took care of the memories and experiences to figure out what she really wanted in a man.
That's what love is supposed to be for you, experience, so you can figure out what you want and what you don't want in your life. Any person that hurts you even once is capable of doing it again, and by giving them another chance your just enabling them to do it and saying "It's okay, you can do better".
And god know's if anyone says that to me I would totally feel like an imbecile. --> By forgiving someone you are making them aware that they don't measure up to your needs but they have an opportunity to mold themselves into the person you want them to be.
I find that pretty selfish:: --> Why change someone to be who you want them to be when there's already someone out there with everything you want? What about what that person wants and needs in their life, doesn't that matter?
- Lets be a little fair, maybe they just need more time to figure out what they want... but you already know what you want... So why are you wasting your time; with that.
Separate your mental fairytale from your reality and you will realize what it is that matters in life and what you truly want. The right guy is not someone who is educated, someone who has 3 degrees, someone that smokes weed, someone that makes money of selling weed, there is No Perfect Man or Women!
You have to determine as an individual what it is that will make you happy and what kind of companion will help you continue with life.
Never sell yourself short!
You have to determine as an individual what it is that will make you happy and what kind of companion will help you continue with life.
Never sell yourself short!
In : Dating
Tags: dating lifestyle liars summer love relationships
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Media Studies Major at Queens College
Photographer, Writer and Enthusiast
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